If James Bond 007 asked us to plan his funeral, this is what we think it would look like. But first ...
Important message about our Fantasy Funeral Plan & Eulogy series
The Fantasy Funeral Plan & Eulogy series from Before You Go marks the passing of much-loved figures - real or not, living or not - by commemorating their personality and legacy with a befitting send-off.
Written with gentle humour, we hope you appreciate the intention to inspire and motivate you to plan your funeral so that you get the funeral you want (or don't want!), and spare loved ones from worrying about the detail at an already difficult time.
To help you plan the detail of your funeral, download this free and simple Funeral Wishes Planner. Passing on your funeral wishes won't cost you a penny, but it is so invaluable.
Now let's begin. How many Bond references will you spot?
Overview: James Bond's fantasy funeral plan
Codename - Pass The Broccoli
James Bond’s fantasy funeral plan would combine a mixture of styles, dreadful puns, and a devil-may-care attitude.
Those who know him best will appreciate the contradictions, while recognising that for 007 this really was no time to die.
Dress code for the mourners
A range of options:
The Sean Connery
The David Niven
Double-breasted Victorian morning suit
The George Lazenby
The Roger Moore
Slacks and casual jacket
The Pierce Brosnan
The Daniel Craig
Swimming trunks or dressed head-to-toe in black (climbing rope and shoulder holster optional).
Red and white carnations only.
Donations in lieu of flowers
Covert Agents Sheltered Housing c/o Whitehall. Cheques made out to CASH.
Just the three pieces.
Am I Blue by Hoagy Carmichael
I Saved the World Today by The Eurhythmics
(The best Bond song that never was!)
Bond Theme by John Barry (what else?!)
All readings will be brief, since Bond liked to get to the point.
“He was much better when I was in it.”
A lament read by Dame Judi Dench & Timothy Dalton
“The measure of a man is what he does with power.”
A quote from Plato, read by George Smiley
“I am a poet in deeds – not often in words.”
A quote from Goldfinger, read by Ian Fleming.
Epitaph from Roger Moore’s autobiography, My Word is My Bond:
“You gotta love livin’, kid. Because dyin’s a pain in the ass.”
Dame Judi Dench and Richard Moore (no relation), head of MI6.
A helicopter, from which the coffin will be parachute down (with industrial drones fitted in case of cross-winds).
Chief mourners to be conveyed by Aston Martin DB5s. Other mourners to arrive by Land Rover.
A Union Jack coffin, un-lacquered like our late, lamented hero.
Venue for the funeral reception
Ian Fleming’s house, Goldeneye, in Jamaica
(If we're going to fantasise, we might as well push the boat out!)
A ‘cold finger’ buffet, including blinis (from Russia with love) and Dalton’s peanuts (shaken not stirred).
Followed by shepherd’s pies (say it quickly!). Second helpings available because you can always diet another day.
With a choice of desserts – one of three different globe cakes (because the world is not enough).
Every mourner receives a lottery ticket – for the Thunderball, naturally.
A bequest that two gemstones are hand delivered to actress who played Vesper Lynd in Casino Royale – because the diamonds are for Eva.
Everyone to form an orderly Q when leaving the funeral reception to collect their funeral favour - a bag of M & Ms.
Johnny English, Austin Powers, Mr & Mrs Smith and Jason Bourne playing the Bond theme on kazoos.
Anyone available from Spooks.
Every woman in a Bond book or film, who deserved more lines and a better outcome. A bus has been provided.
FREE download to help you plan your send-off
We hope this Fantasy Funeral Plan has given you food for thought and inspired you to start planning your own send-off. To help you document what you would like for your funeral, leave clear instructions for loved ones in our free and simple Funeral Wishes Planner.
For more fantasy funeral planning inspiration check out our other Fantasy Funeral Plans here,