If James Bond 007 asked us to plan his funeral, this is what we think it would look like.  But first ...

Important message about our Fantasy Funeral Plan & Eulogy series

The Fantasy Funeral Plan & Eulogy series from Before You Go  marks the passing of much-loved figures - real or not, living or not - by commemorating their personality and legacy with a befitting send-off.

Written with gentle humour, we hope you appreciate the intention to inspire and motivate you to plan your funeral so that you get the funeral you want (or don't want!), and spare loved ones from worrying about the detail at an already difficult time.

To help you plan the detail of your funeral,  download this free and simple Funeral Wishes Planner.  Passing on your funeral wishes won't cost you a penny, but it is so invaluable. 

Now let's begin.  How many Bond references will you spot?

Reading time:

 1.5 min

Overview:  James Bond's fantasy funeral plan
Codename - Pass The Broccoli

James Bond’s fantasy funeral plan would combine a mixture of styles, dreadful puns, and a devil-may-care attitude.

Those who know him best will appreciate the contradictions, while recognising that for 007 this really was no time to die.

Dress code for the mourners

A range of options:


The Moneypenny

Smart frock


The Sean Connery

Leisure suit


The David Niven

Double-breasted Victorian morning suit


The George Lazenby 

White suit


The Roger Moore

Safari jacket


Timothy Dalton 

Slacks and casual jacket


The Pierce Brosnan

Double-breasted suit


The Daniel Craig

Swimming trunks or dressed head-to-toe in black (climbing rope and shoulder holster optional).


Red and white carnations only.

Donations in lieu of flowers

Covert Agents Sheltered Housing c/o Whitehall. Cheques made out to CASH.


Just the three pieces.

On entrance

Am I Blue by Hoagy Carmichael

During reflection

I Saved the World Today by The Eurhythmics 
(The best Bond song that never was!)

On exit

Bond Theme by John Barry (what else?!)


All readings will be brief, since Bond liked to get to the point.

Number 1

“He was much better when I was in it.” 
A lament read by Dame Judi Dench & Timothy Dalton

Number 2

“The measure of a man is what he does with power.”
A quote from Plato, read by George Smiley

Number 3

“I am a poet in deeds – not often in words.”
A quote from Goldfinger, read by Ian Fleming.

Number 4

Epitaph from Roger Moore’s autobiography, My Word is My Bond: 
“You gotta love livin’, kid. Because dyin’s a pain in the ass.” 

Celebrity celebrants

Dame Judi Dench and Richard Moore (no relation), head of MI6.


A helicopter, from which the coffin will be parachute down (with industrial drones fitted in case of cross-winds).

Chief mourners to be conveyed by Aston Martin DB5s. Other mourners to arrive by Land Rover.


A Union Jack coffin, un-lacquered like our late, lamented hero.  

Union Jack coffin

Venue for the funeral reception

Ian Fleming’s house, Goldeneye, in Jamaica

(If we're going to fantasise, we might as well push the boat out!)


A ‘cold finger’ buffet, including blinis (from Russia with love) and Dalton’s peanuts (shaken not stirred).

Followed by shepherd’s pies (say it quickly!). Second helpings available because you can always diet another day.

With a choice of desserts – one of three different globe cakes (because the world is not enough).

Globe cake for James Bond funeral reception

Other instructions

Every mourner receives a lottery ticket – for the Thunderball, naturally.  

A bequest that two gemstones are hand delivered to actress who played Vesper Lynd in Casino Royale – because the diamonds are for Eva.

Everyone to form an orderly Q when leaving the funeral reception to collect their funeral favour - a bag of M & Ms.

Unexpected mourners

Johnny English, Austin Powers, Mr & Mrs Smith and Jason Bourne playing the Bond theme on kazoos.

Anyone available from Spooks.

Every woman in a Bond book or film, who deserved more lines and a better outcome. A bus has been provided.

Routemaster bus for the funeral party

FREE download to help you plan your send-off

We hope this Fantasy Funeral Plan has given you food for thought and inspired you to start planning your own send-off.  To help you document what you would like for your funeral, leave clear instructions for loved ones in our free and simple Funeral Wishes Planner.  

For more fantasy funeral planning inspiration check out our other Fantasy Funeral Plans here,

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Funeral Wishes Planner

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Don't leave loved ones to worry about the detail of your funeral.  Leave clear instructions in this FREEand simple 
Funeral Wishes Planner

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About the author 

Derek Thompson

Derek Thompson is a writer and author, who has written extensively about grief and the funeral industry. He thinks humour is a much-underrated commodity. And thanks to a mix-up, when his name was read out during a committal, instead of his brother’s, he has technically been to his own funeral.

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