Important message about our Fantasy Funeral Plan & Eulogy series
The Fantasy Funeral Plan & Eulogy series from Before You Go marks the passing of much-loved figures - real or not, living or not - by commemorating their personality and legacy with a befitting send-off.
Written with gentle humour, we hope you appreciate the intention to inspire and motivate you to plan your funeral so that you get the funeral you want (or don't want!), and spare loved ones from worrying about the detail at an already difficult time.
To help you plan the detail of your funeral, download this free and simple Funeral Wishes Planner. Passing on your funeral wishes won't cost you a penny, but it is so invaluable.
Reading time:
1.5 min
Edmund Blackadder's funeral
A fantasy funeral for Lord Edmund Blackadder, confidante to her capricious majesty Queen Elizabeth I, and master of derring-do (according to his publicist) would combine solemnity and ceremony with a right royal booze-up afterwards.
Dress code for the mourners
Baldrick to be allowed to attire himself in the manner of a Giant Pixie or a huge turnip, preferably after a good wash (Baldrick, that is).
All other mourners to dress in their finery, while incorporating black ruffs and sporting a beard in the manner of Captain Redbeard Rum, only black. This includes the Whiteadders.
Flowers
Roses and violets, in honour of chief mourner, our Queen of Hearts.
Donations in lieu of flowers
The Blackadder Natural Philosophie Foundation for Investigation into the Traversing of Time
Christian Adder Society (of) Humilities
Bills Obligatory to be made out to ‘CASH’
Music
Thomas the Balladeer to play courageous tales of Edmund Blackadder, on pain of a sword.
Readings
Captain Redbeard Rum to read an extract from Sea Voyages I Have Survived, while his lovely wife Nursie plays the spoons.
Lord Percy Percy will recite poetry from his collection, Popinjays and Other Inconsequences, while being pelted by the congregation.
Baldrick to recite Ode To The Giant Pixie.
Celebrity celebrants
Historians Mary Beard and David Starkey, Hilary Mantel (author of Wolf Hall and Bring up the Bodies), and Mr Bean.
Vehicles
A horse-drawn cortege, and then a sedan for her majesty, and then more horses for the good noblemen at court – plus Lord Melchett.
Baldrick to follow the horses, so he can be guaranteed a hot meal on his last day of service to the Blackadder family.
Coffin
An iron coffin – one might even say ironic – steadfast, impenetrable, and worth every penny of Lord Percy Percy’s money (if there’s any left).
Venue
A simple burial in a humble corner of Westminster Abbey will be quite sufficient, followed by three days of national mourning. One really doesn’t want to cause a fuss.
Refreshments
Some excellent pies from Mrs Miggins (once eaten never forgotten, much like Baldrick’s breakfasts), and some sausages from the kitchen of Mrs Ploppy (by kind arrangement with HM Prisons).
Other instructions
The following people are expressly forbidden to attend the funeral:
Mr and Mrs Pants to avail themselves of the former Blackadder residence after the service.
Mourners to be invited to wear a piece of purest green by Lord Percy Percy, in memory of England’s greatest hero and that dreadful flu epidemic last year.
Unexpected mourners
Bob, dressed as a woman.
Lord Blackadder of the future, having perfected time-travel only to fail at the final hurdle thanks to confusion over metric and imperial measurements. At the conclusion of the service, Lord Blackadder of the future to arrive and simply remark, “B****r!”
A second Lord Blackadder of the future, having arrived after the first, to remark, “This requires a cunning plan of such epic ingenuity, it will make Dr John Dee seem like an E minus.”
FREE download to help you plan your send-off
We hope this Fantasy Funeral Plan has given you food for thought and inspired you to start planning your own send-off. To help you document what you would like for your funeral, leave clear instructions for loved ones in our free and simple Funeral Wishes Planner.
For more fantasy funeral planning inspiration check out our other Fantasy Funeral Plans here,
