Fantasy Funeral Plan for Terry Jones

by Derek Thompson

Published on 3 August 2021

Funeral planning inspiration - Jones

Important message about our Fantasy Funeral Plan & Eulogy series

The Fantasy Funeral Plan & Eulogy series from Before You Go  marks the passing of much-loved figures - real or not, living or not - by commemorating their personality and legacy with a befitting send-off.

Written with gentle humour, we hope you appreciate the intention to inspire and motivate you to plan your funeral so that you get the funeral you want (or don't want!), and spare loved ones from worrying about the detail at an already difficult time.

To help you plan the detail of your funeral,  download this free and simple Funeral Wishes Planner.  Passing on your funeral wishes won't cost you a penny, but it is so invaluable. 

Reading time:

 1.5 min

Overview: Terry Jones' fantasy funeral plan

Actor, writer, comedian, screenwriter, film director, historian, member of Monty Python.

Terry Jones’s fantasy funeral would combine historical accuracy (see below), warm-hearted reflection, and a touch of the surreal. 

Dress code for the mourners

Dress historically, as long as you’re a Roman, a Celt, a Viking or Medieval. Points will be deducted for inauthenticity.


Lupins (as in the Pythons’ Dennis Moore sketch). 

Donations in lieu of flowers

The National Brain Appeal 
Terry died with dementia, aged 77


On entrance

Men Of Harlech

During reflection

Penny Lane by The Beatles, played by a nude organist (who will turn and wink to the congregation at the line about the banker who doesn’t wear a mac in the pouring rain). 

On exit

Duo for Two Violins in the Sixth-Tone System by Alois Haba, performed by Wiesmeyer & Stein, 1937 *


Number 1

The Shadows Personality (Not One Of My Best Works I Know), by Terry Jones

"The shadow is not light nor is it dark, 
it is not twilight nor is it dusk, 
the shadow is an unstable thing, 
easily influenced by the movement of others, 
the shadow is like ying and yang, 
two opposite forces working together to make something, 
but cannot exist unless the two forces merge, 
shadows are not free, 
they must be seen in light but must flee from dark, 
the shadow must remained balanced, 
if the light is consumed by the darkness the shadow is consumed as well, 
if the dark fades to the light the shadow vanishes, 
so if you think shadows are simple think again for a shadow is not just physical, 
it is mythical as well."

Number 2

Have A Nice Day, by Spike Milligan

"Help, help,’ said a man. ‘I’m drowning.’  
‘Hang on,’ said a man from the shore.  
‘Help, help,’ said the man. ‘I’m not clowning.’  
‘Yes, I know, I heard you before.  
Be patient dear man who is drowning,  
You see, I’ve got a disease.  
I’m waiting for a Doctor J. Browning.  
So do be patient please.’  
‘How long,’ said the man who was drowning. ‘Will it take for the Doc to arrive?’  
‘Not very long,’ said the man with the disease. ‘Till then try staying alive.’  
‘Very well,’ said the man who was drowning. ‘I’ll try and stay afloat.  
By reciting the poems of Browning  
And other things he wrote.’  
‘Help, help,’ said the man with the disease, ‘I suddenly feel quite ill.’  
‘Keep calm,’ said the man who was drowning, ‘Breathe deeply and lie quite still.’  
‘Oh dear,’ said the man with the awful disease. ‘I think I'm going to die.’  
‘Farewell,’ said the man who was drowning  
Said the man with the disease, ‘goodbye.’  
So the man who was drowning, drownded  
And the man with the disease passed away.  
But apart from that,  
And a fire in my flat,  
It’s been a very nice day. "

Celebrity celebrants

  • The remaining Pythons, plus Carol Cleveland (British-American actress and comedian, known for her work with Monty Python)
  • Edmund Blackadder (2nd series), whose attire will stick out like a sore thumb.  
  • Rowan Atkinson in a tux, with a Yorkshire accent. (Secret Policeman's Ball: '4 Yorkshiremen')
  • The Goodies. 


A driverless hearse, followed by rampaging Vikings on bicycles. 


Shaped or painted like a Viking longboat.


Theatr Colwyn
Terry's town of birth & theatre patron


Trays containing five salted peanuts** and a wafer-thin mint. 

Spam, with a choice of accompaniments – egg, beans, bacon and sausage. And more wonderful spam. 

Lobster Thermidor au Crevette with a Mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam. 

Bags of otters’ nose
Life of Brian


Other instructions

One comfy chair on view
Spanish Inquisition sketch

A public announcement that: No one is to hum ‘Always Look on the Bright Side of Life’ because Eric Idle has earned quite enough money from that, thank you very much. 

Unexpected mourners

The Spanish Inquisition – because nobody expects them. 

Graham Chapman, dressed as a knight: “Tis but a scratch!" 

Graham Chapman again, dressed as Brian: “There’s no pleasing some people."

Ex-Leper: “That’s just what Jesus said.” 

Salvador Dali 

* When interviewed on Desert Island Discs, Terry said anyone who doesn’t laugh when they hear Haba Duo should get a prize.

** Another choice from Desert Island Discs.  Five salted peanuts was one of his musical choices on Desert Island Discs

FREE download to help you plan your send-off

We hope this Fantasy Funeral Plan has given you food for thought and inspired you to start planning your own send-off.  To help you document what you would like for your funeral, leave clear instructions for loved ones in our free and simple Funeral Wishes Planner.  

For more fantasy funeral planning inspiration check out our other Fantasy Funeral Plans here,

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About the author 

Derek Thompson

Derek Thompson is a writer and author, who has written extensively about grief and the funeral industry. He thinks humour is a much-underrated commodity. And thanks to a mix-up, when his name was read out during a committal, instead of his brother’s, he has technically been to his own funeral.

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